Forget the Sea Titans
by Asterisk78
Summary: Plot holes...continuity issues...lobotomizing characters...this is the world of GI Joe, Sigma 6. This week: Comics don't rot your brain, you just aren't overthinking it enough.
1. Where's the Money

Disclaimer: I don't have any copyrights or trademarks. This includes GI Joe and any other trademarked things that I mention in this story...besides, there's nothing to take if you sue me.

* * *

"So, Heavy Duty, I have a question."

"Shoot, T-Rat."

"If we're such hotshots at fighting terror, why ain't we in Iraq?"

"I don't know," Heavy Duty admitted. "Maybe the US has other people to do that."

"No, remember, we were chosen for our unique qualifications. Ya know, 'unique' as in 'not like anyone else.'" Tunnel Rat raised an eyebrow.

"Well, gee, then why are they wasting us on a war with people who have a mascot?" Heavy Duty asked.

"A mascot?"

"You know, those snakes they put everywhere," Heavy Duty said.

"Oh, those…well, I dunno. Maybe Cobra is a bigger threat," Tunnel Rat said, shrugging.

"No, if they were a threat, we'd have a medic," Heavy Duty said. "And greenshirts. And funding."

"Oh, come on HD! You can't be like that. _No_ one has funding," Tunnel Rat said. "Besides Cobra, that is."

"Isn't it ironic how the terrorists have better funding than we do?" Heavy Duty asked.

"Just a little," Tunnel Rat said. "What's more ironic is the fact that Hi-Tech has all these machines running around that are crazy advanced, and he isn't making a dime off the patents."

"Patents? _Patents_? That isn't very funny. Remember, we're just comic relief. We can't be serious," Heavy Duty said.

"That bugs me," Tunnel Rat said. "Anyway, back to Cobra…it seems kind of odd that we have such a huge, hi-tech base, and we're off fighting Cobra instead of saving lives in Iraq or Afghanistan."

"That does seem a trifle odd. I mean, we have this huge, high tech base, and only a handful of people live on it. Does that make any sense to you?" Heavy Duty asked.

"It's because we're underfunded," Tunnel Rat said. "There isn't enough money for all those tech people to do computers, or all the engineers to keep up vehicles, or all the greenshirts to be, well, greenshirts. It's just the way of life."

"And so we have a gigantic base with a skeleton crew," Heavy Duty lamented. "It's really quite sad. I didn't join a military who did insane things like this."

"What about the 'Nam?"

"That seemed like a threat at the time," Heavy Duty said.

Tunnel Rat sighed. "It just ain't the way it was in the old days, is it?"

"Not even close. You see, back then, we weren't just comedy characters. We were serious, like everyone else," Heavy Duty said.

"Those days are long gone, HD," Tunnel Rat said.

"I know," Heavy Duty said. "I know."


	2. Tai Chi Spells

"Storm Shadow-sensei, what will we be learning today?" The youth who stood by the door seemed to glow with enthusiasm, practically hopping up and down in his eagerness to start the lesson.

Most teachers would be ecstatic to have such a student. But Storm Shadow, being Storm Shadow, was highly annoyed. "So, young Grasshopper, what do you think we're going to learn?" he asked, mouth tight.

Grasshopper looked around. "Well, I don't see any sparring equipment, so I don't think we're going to spar."

"Very good. What else?"

"I don't see any weapons of any sort…Sensei, are we meditating again?" Grasshopper asked.

"No. You know why?" Storm Shadow asked.

"Why?"

"Because last time you fell asleep," Storm Shadow said.

"So did you," Grasshopper pointed out.

"You have no way of proving that. I maintain that I was on the way to experiencing some profound enlightenment. Anyway, we're starting something entirely new today," Storm Shadow said.

"What?" Grasshopper asked.

"We're going to do ninja magic," Storm Shadow said.

"I thought there was no such thing," Grasshopper gasped.

"That's where you're wrong, young Grasshopper," Storm Shadow said. "There's lots of ninja magic."

"Sensei, you _told_ me there was no such thing," Grasshopper said.

"So I lied."

"How often do you lie?" Grasshopper asked.

"More often that is prudent. But that's aside the point, young Grasshopper. Okay, do you know any tai chi?" Storm Shadow asked.

"No," Grasshopper said, scoffing.

"Well, that's what ninja spells are based off," Storm Shadow said.

"Wouldn't it make sense to base it off something that's actually Japanese – for example, karate?" Grasshopper asked.

"Karate is too well known and too fast to have spells based on it. Tai chi is the slowest, most magic-looking martial art. Besides, it has the word 'chi' right in it. It's too perfect, young Grasshopper," Storm Shadow said. "Besides, since at least one of our alphabets was borrowed from China, I see no harm in furthering the tradition."

"Anyway, how do you do tai chi spells?" Grasshopper asked.

"Well, I'll teach you a simple one first. Close your eyes," Storm Shadow said.

Grasshopper closed his eyes.

"Now, form a ball with your hands, imagining that it is a ball of pure yin," Storm Shadow said.

Grasshopper frowned. "I think you mean yang, Sensei."

"I mean _yin_," Storm Shadow said. "Now, make the fricking ball."

"Yes, Sensei."

"Anyway, that's a ball of pure yin," Storm Shadow said. "Now, imagine that it's so hot it burns you."

"Yin is the cold force."

"Shut up. This is _burning yin_."

"Okay," Grasshopper said. Although he hadn't believed Storm Shadow at first, he could definitely feel something in his hands. It wasn't burning, though; it was cold and wet, tranquil and almost not there. It felt to Grasshopper as though he'd pulled down a piece of a moonless night.

"Now, throw your yin at this pop can," Storm Shadow said, setting an empty Pepsi can down in front of Grasshopper.

Grasshopper threw. The ball of yin blubbered and stuttered toward the can, eventually landing with a wet ploosh and dissipating. Storm Shadow looked disgusted.

"See? That's what happens when you make a ball of yang," he said.

"You have it backwards. Yin is the feminine, cold, negative, dark, slow force. Yang is the masculine, hot, aggressive force. If I were going to make a ball of anything to be a weapon, I would make a ball of yang," Grasshopper said.

"We'll continue this lesson in a few minutes," Storm Shadow said.

"Are you going to look up what yin is?" Grasshopper asked.

"Y-no," Storm Shadow said.

* * *

"Okay, scratch the yin-yang thing," Storm Shadow said, stalking back into the training room.

Grasshopper smiled. He knew that Storm Shadow got like this when he was wrong, which meant that Grasshopper had been right about the yin.

"What are we going to do instead, Sensei?" Grasshopper asked.

"We're going to mess with peoples' chi," Storm Shadow replied. "For example, if I go like this," he said, making a variety of motions in the general direction of Grasshopper's ribcage, "what do you feel?"

Grasshopper coughed. "I have a frog in my throat," he said, rubbing his trachea.

"Exactly. I messed with your respiratory chi," Storm Shadow said.

"Body parts have chi?" Grasshopper asked.

"Of course, you dork. Everything has chi," Storm Shadow said.

"I'll take your word on that," Grasshopper said.

"Okay, smarty pants, now I'm going to show you some real-world applications," Storm Shadow said. "If you go like this at someone's heart, it gives them a heart attack."

"Okay…why?"

"Because you're messing with their cardiac chi!" Storm Shadow said. "Isn't it obvious?"

"No," Grasshopper said.

"Young Grasshopper, you're really feeling your oats today. Since you seem to think you should be in charge, take this Lemonhead from my hand."

"Isn't it supposed to be a pebble?" Grasshopper asked.

"No. The point is that it's a small object that I can snatch away quickly and efficiently. Anyway, if you can take this Lemonhead from my hand, it is time for you to leave," Storm Shadow said.

"Okay," Grasshopper said. He snatched at the Lemonhead, and Storm Shadow pulled his hand away nonchalantly.

"See, young Grasshopper? You're not yet ready," Storm Shadow said.

Grasshopper, however, was not yet ready to give up. Storm Shadow was about to lecture the youth about his less than exemplary reflexes when Grasshopper backhanded him across the cheek. In his surprise, Storm Shadow let the Lemonhead fall.

"Grasshopper, what have I told you about vandalizing beautiful things?" Storm Shadow asked, holding his cheek to soothe the sting of the slap.

"I got the Lemonhead, didn't I?" Grasshopper asked.

A slow smile crept across Storm Shadow's features. "Yes, you did. Grasshopper, I think your time with me is done."

"But Sensei, I-"

"I've passed my skills on to you. Now, you still have a ways to go, but you'll forever have an edge over those other ninjas. You may not be able to beat them in a test of pure skill, but that's immaterial. Greatness doesn't come from what you do; greatness comes from how you do it," Storm Shadow said.

"What now, Sensei?" Grasshopper asked.

"We're going to burn some scars in your arms with the radiator," Storm Shadow said. "Come on. It'll be fun."


	3. On Your Marx

"Heavy Duty, now that we've finished our overview of Marxism, could you tell us about any parts that particularly intrigued you?" Tunnel Rat asked.

"Yes. What intrigued me is that Marx's ideas were actually quite reasonable, but they were misinterpreted completely by-" Heavy Duty stopped as Scarlett walked in the door.

"Guys, I know this is the third week in a row that your book club has been interrupted, but it's Saturday morning and Cobra's attacking," Scarlett said.

"Scarlett, we were trying to discuss the evolution of the Communist state! Can't we have a few moments longer?" Tunnel Rat asked.

"Are you going to be doing a comprehensive overview of the history as well?" Scarlett asked, suddenly intrigued.

"Well, we were really just going to compare and contrast ideological differences between the original Marxist philosophy, Marxism-Leninism and Marxism-Leninism-Maoism. Then, we planned in discussing what parts of these philosophies and governments were beneficial to the varying classes. We were also going to talk about whether they're actually practical for a large country, and whether a capitalistic system, no matter how it may exploit the proletarian, may actually provide a more equal playing field," Tunnel Rat explained.

"So you finished that discussion on bottom-up and federalized land management?" Scarlett asked.

"Yes. Snake Eyes joined us for that one, and I can tell you that I was quite surprised what an advocate he is for both zero-population growth and non-chemical based farming. Did you know that he refuses to wear non-organic cotton because it consumes so many pesticides?" Heavy Duty asked.

"Actually, he did mention that," Scarlett said. "We had a conversation just a few days ago about soil exhaustion."

_Guys, what's going on_? The aforementioned ninja walked up, fully garbed alternately for battle or a martial arts flick.

"We're talking about Marxism," Tunnel Rat said.

_Very interesting._

"Yeah, we're going to talk about the benefits and such," Heavy Duty explained.

_Actually, I would be intrigued to hear a debate about whether the officials in such a system could actually remain uncorrupted_, Snake Eyes said.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Long Range walked in carrying a gun that probably belonged on a tank.

_We were discussing the potential for debate on Marxism_, Snake Eyes said.

"There's plenty of debate there," Long Range said. "Not just the theory, but the practical realities of such a governmental system-"

Then, Duke walked in.

"What's going on here?"

"We were just getting ready to go," Tunnel Rat said.

"Yes. Precisely," Scarlett said, getting up and leaving.

"Uh, got somewhere to be," Heavy Duty said.

"I'm going to, uh, _kill some snakes_," Long Range said.

"How about you, Snake Ey – oh, he's already gone. I guess everything is as usual," Duke said, and walked out.


	4. Time Travel with HiTech

"Duke, I'm reading a massive radiation spike!" Hi-Tech frantically began moving switches on the console of the Sea Titan.

"What do you think it indicates?" Duke asked.

"Definitely time-travel," Hi-Tech said.

"How do you know that?" Duke asked.

"Star Trek intuition. You can smell it…you know, that stale sort of smell? That's the plot going bad," Hi-Tech said.

"I see," Duke said. "Anyway, what's coming through it?"

"I don't know," Hi-Tech said. "I'm getting a visual-"

"Put it on screen," Duke said.

The massive screen flickered to life, and showed a ragged group of men – or women, Duke couldn't tell – in Army greens.

Duke and Hi-Tech went to greet the group of mysterious travelers. When they got closer, Hi-Tech stopped, aghast.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Duke asked.

"It's…it's our future selves," Hi-Tech said, and promptly fainted.

~~*~~

"So…Duke, why are you here? Is there a problem in the future?" Duke asked.

"Call me Conrad," Future-Duke said. "We come from ten years in the future, when Cobra has taken over the entire world, and then leapt to the stars and expanded into the galaxy."

"They took over _outer space_?" Duke asked.

"Precisely. They instated a totalitarian state, commit human rights atrocities on a regular basis, banned all the good television, and have a dress code that they enforce with deadly consequences," Conrad said.

"What kind of dress code?" Duke asked.

"The worst kind – you are required to wear spandex everywhere," Conrad said.

Duke looked aghast. "That's _terrible_," he said.

"I know. And there's one event that could stop it. On July 4, 2007, there was a battle between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow that decided the fate of the universe," Conrad said.

"Hey, Hi-Tech, what's the date?" Duke asked.

"July 4," he replied.

"Sweet Mother, that's _today_!" Duke said.

"Only you can stop them from destroying our majors cities with 15-mile wide spaceships," Conrad said.

The terribleness of it all hit Duke like a sledgehammer wielded by an anthromorphic elephant.

"We have no time to waste. Let's go find the ninjas!" Conrad said. Duke galloped off behind him, followed by the rest of the motley team from the future.

~~*~~

"So, my brother, you have five minutes to declare your last words," Storm Shadow sneered. "And, before you die, I would like to let you know that you still owe me 20 American dollars in gas money. Also, I have always coveted your director's cut of _Enter the Dragon_, and would probably forgive you for betraying me if you were to will it to me."

_What kind of cheap mercenary are you_?

"The envious kind."

_I'm not giving you Bruce! That is _my_ movie, and I want it burned on my funeral pyre if I die_.

"Pity that. Besides, we all know I'm just going to lose again, so I'm not really too concerned about you dying," Storm Shadow said.

_You're bringing up my insurance premium, though_, Snake Eyes said.

"Oh, boo hoo," Storm Shadow said. "Cry me a river. Stop talking and pick up your sword – let's fight."

And so, they fought. Snake Eyes took care to avoid hurting Tommy too badly – although he did whack him a couple times just for good measure. They parried and lunged, struck and dodged, kicked and blocked until they both became rather, well…bored.

This was not new for Snake Eyes, who had begun to find Tommy's fighting style boring years ago. Tommy, who was being soundly beaten, was simply getting bored of losing, especially since he lost the same way every time. _It really is demoralizing_, he thought. _Sometimes I really want to just get in one punch…have one moment of glory…_but he knew it would never happen. He was always destined to lose, much like the Cubs…

And then, in what seemed like the bottom of the ninth, Snake Eyes missed the ball.

~~*~~

"Snake Eyes! Snake Eyes, come in!" Duke said, frantically pressing buttons on his gauntlet.

"Resetting security parameters," a robotic voice said.

"No! Stop that!"

"Enter current password," the gauntlet's robotic voice said.

"Five-eight-three-Kansas-carat-five-exclamation point-six," Duke said.

"Please enter new password," the gauntlet said.

"Sparky-eight-six-two-asterisk-percent-ASCII code 864," Duke said.

"Password invalid. Please enter again," the gauntlet said.

"Sparky-eight-six-two-asterisk-percent-ASCII code 864," Duke snarled.

"Entering password," the gauntlet said. "Please verify."

"Sparky-eight-six-two-asterisk-percent-ASCII code 864," Duke said, gritting his teeth.

"Are you human? Enter the following words on the keypad," the program instructed.

Duke pain-stakingly chicken-pecked the words "Shepherd zygote."

"Please wait a moment. Thank you for your patience!"

Duke waited for five minutes. The gauntlet then informed him that there had been an invalid operation, and that he needed to answer his secret question.

"What is your favorite phylum of protists?" the program asked.

"Chrysophyta," Duke said. He waited for another five minutes.

"Are you in contact with Snake Eyes yet?" Conrad asked.

"I'm working on it!"

"Select operative to contact," the gauntlet instructed him.

"Snake Eyes."

"Operative is not available. You have been directed to an automatic voice messaging system. Press one to hang up. Press two to be redirected to another operative. Press three to call again."

"Hurry up," Duke said, bouncing his foot in his impatience.

"Press seven to send a text message. Press eight to send a picture message."

"I'll have to have a talk with Hi-Tech," Duke muttered.

"Press 18 to send an email. Press 19 to leave your phone number. Press 20 to page the operative."

Duke wondered if his gauntlet could actually do all this stuff. But the list went on and on, until number 47 caught his ear:

"Press 47 to leave a voice message."

Duke hammered the keys, and heard the beep. "Snake Eyes, don't fight Storm Shadow until we get there! There's vital intelligence you have to know…just don't die!"

~~*~~

When the Dukes arrived, Storm Shadow had beaten Snake Eyes back against the edge of a cliff. As Snake Eyes teetered and Storm Shadow pressed forward, Duke attempted to mediate. He stepped out the ROCC, and began to walk toward the flurry of fury.

"Storm Shadow, wait a minute!"

"Shouldn't you be yelling at Snake Eyes?"

"No! I need to talk to you!"

"Why?"

"The fate of the universe rests in your hands!" Duke said.

"_My_ hands?!"

"Yes! Yours!"

"What am I supposed to do?" Storm Shadow asked.

"If you kill Snake Eyes, Cobra takes over the galaxy!"

"What if I want to kill Snake Eyes?"

"Look into your heart of hearts and tell me whether the bad guys are supposed to win," Duke said.

Storm Shadow stepped back from Snake Eyes, and his face became studious. "So, you're saying that because I'm winning this one time, I could quite possibly destroy the universe."

"That's right."

"Duke, I'm a member of Cobra! I should be helping them take over the galaxy!" Storm Shadow said, raising his sword for the killing blow.

As Storm Shadow brought his sword down, Snake Eyes disappeared. Then, a familiar-looking man in a familiar-looking dark suit appeared behind Storm Shadow, brought the butt of his sword down on Storm Shadow's head and knocked him senseless.

Duke was astounded.

"Snake Eyes, what the heck-"

"The Snake Eyes from our universe removed himself from the time stream in the future, then sent himself back in a position that was more favorable," Conrad said. "Ingenious use of the time stream."

Snake Eyes walked toward the ROCC. "Snake Eyes…are you-"

_Yes, I'm the Snake Eyes from this time stream. Your friends from the future, on the other hand, aren't going to make it back_.

Instinctively, Duke looked over his shoulder.

Conrad was gone.

"Snake Eyes, did this really happen?" Duke asked.

_In a way, both yes and no_, Snake Eyes said. _I'm advocating for leaving this one to the quantum physicists._

"Creepy," Duke said.

_Aren't you glad this only happens once a week_? Snake Eyes asked, climbing into the ROCC.

"I can't even tell you," Duke said.


	5. A Decidedly Sapless Songfic

_Nobody likes me, everybody hates me_

"Get out of here! You've done nothing but hurt us!" Scarlett pushed Storm Shadow down the front steps of the small house in Atlanta, jaw set firmly. "I hate you!"

"You hate me? Ha! Like I care!" Storm Shadow gloated. "Everybody hates me!"

_Guess I'll just go eat worms_

"I hope you get some sort of gastrointestinal disorder!" Scarlett said.

"Like what? Perhaps dyspepsia?" Storm Shadow.

"No, something grosser than that," Scarlett snapped.

"A prolapse?"

"I hope you get…worms. Yeah, that's right, I hope you get worms!" Scarlett screamed.

_Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,_

_Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms._

"What kind of worms?" Storm Shadow asked. "Flatworms? There are lots of diseases caused by flatworms…not to mention those caused by roundworms. There are also platyhelminths to consider."

"I hope they're slimy and fuzzy and itsy bitsy!" Scarlett said.

"Wow, your dialogue is exceptionally stilted. It's almost as though the author is trying to integrate song lyrics into your speech," Storm Shadow said.

"Put the fourth wall back up. I want to finish this," Scarlett said.

_Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,_

_Oh how they wiggle and squirm._

"You want me to get worms? I'll go eat some!" Storm Shadow declared, stalking off into the night.

Scarlett stood there for a moment, watching him go. "Are you serious?" she asked.

"Deadly serious, my dear."

Her eyes widened, and her pulse quickened unnecessarily. "Snake Eyes?" she called, searching the house. "Where are you?"

He came from the upstairs, taking the stairs two at a time. _Where did he go_? Snake Eyes asked.

"He said he's going to go eat worms," Scarlett whispered.

_Eat worms_? Snake Eyes asked doubtfully.

"You have to go stop him before it's too late!" Scarlett said.

Snake Eyes bolted off into the night.

_Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,_

_Oh how they wiggle and squirm._

"Ugh…thank goodness for my overactive gag reflex," Storm Shadow murmured.

_This…oh gosh_, Snake Eyes said, turning away.

"Sick? Yeah. Then again, so is copyright infringement," Storm Shadow said. "Gimme a water bottle, will ya? Those worms didn't go down so smooth."


	6. Shakespeared Through the Heart

"Conrad, it's been ages." The bespectacled, scholarly man in the grey pinstriped suit rose to meet Duke eagerly, an honest smile on his face and earnest good will draped about his shoulders.

"Bill, how long has it been…three years?" Duke asked, taking a seat on the small sidewalk café. He and Bill had been friends since high school, and met up in this exact storefront about three times a decade. This time they had arranged their meeting for the spring, and the weak sun fell gently on the companions.

"It seems like more," Bill said, settling in at the wrought iron table. He began to peruse the menu.

"Well, it's good to see you again no matter how long it's been. What have you been up to?"'

"Just the usual…reading, mostly. I published my first book last year." Bill was an English professor, and neither the reading nor the publishing of books was very surprising.

"So, what's the latest you've read?" Duke asked. Bill had a knack for finding those weird, interesting books that fall between the cracks in the best-sellers list.

"I have it with me, actually…here it is." Bill took out a large book, printed on newsprint and bound in thin cardboard.

"The first volume of the G.I. Joe comics? Bill, I thought such shallow literary works were beneath you."

"I started it over a long weekend at my sister's house…I think this copy was originally my nephew's. Anyway, as I read it, it was shocking how many literary techniques the writer uses. Allusions to other literary works, Christ figures, biblical parallels, alliteration, classic themes…really, I'm inspired. Actually, reading this comic has decided the topic of my next book."

"So, what are your ideas?" Duke asked.

"Well, there's Scarlett…that's an obvious allusion to _Gone with the Wind._"

"I've never read that book, Bill."

"Pity. It's a wonderful story. Anyway, it centers around a woman by the name of Scarlett O'Hara who, through her tenacious grip on life and cool cunning, manages to survive the Civil War and thrive during the Reconstruction despite the destruction of the Southern gentry to which she belonged. She's known for her powers of seduction and business sense," Bill said.

"Very interesting. And this translates to…"

"Well, basically, Scarlett of the Joes is a parody of Scarlett of _Gone with the Wind_ because she is far less abusive. However, she also demonstrates some of her progenitor's attributes: she's fearless, strong, able to stand on her own and very intelligent," Bill said.

"Anyone else?" Duke asked.

"Let's see…well, some of the characters exhibit value systems. For instance, Heavy Duty abandoned a career in the arts for a career in the Army. This indicates a certain disdain for the arts in American culture, and I think it's probably an accurate assessment. It's probably why baseball players are paid more than writers," Bill said. "And G.I. Joe certainly isn't without its share of super athletes."

"Well, that would bring Snake Eyes into the mix, wouldn't it?" Duke asked. "I mean, with his face and all…"

"Snake Eyes is a whole different can of worms," Bill said. "First of all, he's a Christ figure – the death of his family at a young age leaves him rootless. I'm guessing his age to be about 30 in the comics. He doesn't really fit in with the status quo of the Army – you never really know his rank. He even has a Judas, Tommy Arashikage."

"What else?"

"He's also a direct allusion to an Alan Parsons Project song, but somehow I think that's of less literary value," Bill said. "But going back to the Bible, he's also somewhat Job-like. You know, his entire family dies in one catastrophic event, he gets all those scars, stuff like that. He even has the whole false friend thing going on…really, it's pretty perfect."

"Wow, I never really thought of it that way…"

"But there's more."

"What more could there possibly be?"

"Well, his black clothing serves a variety of functions. Firstly, it's somewhat akin to widow's weeds because he's in constant mourning for something. However beyond that it doesn't make much sense, considering black is usually the color reserved for villains…until you look at Eastern color symbolism. In the East, white is the color of mourning, not black," Bill said.

"So Storm Shadow is the one in mourning?" Duke asked.

"Sort of…as you can tell, it's kind of confusing. Anyway, from what I can figure out, Tommy's white outfit has threefold meaning. First, red and white are the colors of the Japanese flag. Second, the white underscores the idea that he really does have pure intentions, white being a color of purity. Finally, there's the connotation of mourning which the white brings about," Bill said.

Duke could feel a tension headache coming on. It was then that he remembered why he only met with Bill once every three years…it took him that long to understand what Bill was saying.

But before he changed the subject, he had to ask Bill one more question.

"What about Duke?" Duke asked.

"Oh, him? There's nothing much special about him…I guess his blonde hair connotes virility and brings to mind Greek gods, but that's really not all that interesting," Bill said. "He's sort of a stock character – a very dashing stock character, but a stock character nonetheless."

Duke said nothing.

"So, how about those Rams?" Bill asked.

"They suck. What else is new?"


End file.
